Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
