It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We need to rekindle our bromance
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
