2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
