Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
