What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
