just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
