If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
