you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We had sex on a dog bed..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
