So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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