Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
