The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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