dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
