either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
