you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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