i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize