Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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