How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
