yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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