Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize