Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
