The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't notice because vodka
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
