First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
