someone get that fucking seahorse.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
