I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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