Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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