she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
