I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
