A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
