I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize