i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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