i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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