Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
