I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He passed out mid-signature
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
