this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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