I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
