I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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