The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
