u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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