dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
