apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
