Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
