Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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