Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
