just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
