i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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