Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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