I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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