sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
