First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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