She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
