she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
