Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize