yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
