Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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