do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
