Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
