All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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