I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
