She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
