go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
