need another drink. this is the easiest way
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
