the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
