I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
