So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
