You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
