I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
