Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
