i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
