Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
