my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
