I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize