okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
