I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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