When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
