Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
