I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
