youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
