They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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