Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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