So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
