You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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