We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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